Bonfire

Maybe I'm a little late at the whole dating thing. I felt like I was dead emotionally up to this point of my life. I mean I have always been that girl who would have crush on some guy, but, wouldn't tell them, because I'm just that shy. So, I would obsessed over that person to the extent that, my crush would eventually burn out....and there I would be on to the next person. I think I'm this way because I'm deathly afraid of rejection. You see I've never been rejected, I'm always the person that rejects/ breaks-up with the other person. Well that was until about a few weeks ago, when I went to this bonfire-like thing. I went there expecting it to be mostly campfire, so-mores , ghost stories and with a little bit of drinking. But, to my surprise I was going to a college-party type of bonfire; drinking and getting shit-faced was the agenda. I was was sipping on some whisky, while 95% of everybody else was downing beers, taking shots and acting like idiots. I swear on my life that I saw two guys playing see-saw on a log that was going through the the bonfire, fire and everything. Much to say I just wasn't feeling the party mood. So, I told my friend whom I came there with that I was gonna go, because she loves this type of stuff, so she was just gonna stay and have fun. This was the same time that these two guys were gonna go, too; so, she asked them to walk me back to where the dorms were. It's funny that these two guys were, so drunk and possibly high that they had to walk back using a hiking stick. But, hey, I got to admit that this was the most amused I was all night. One of guys stopped half-way to go and hang out some other people along the way, but the other guy walked me to where I was staying, even though it was a little past his dorm area. Okay, I'm really not trying to be that girl that gushes over a guy, but, while he walked me back to my dorm we talked a little bit, and I actually liked talking to him. He seemed very chill, non-threatening, and overall easy to talk to, and we seemed to be interested in some of the same or similar stuff. So, I guess taking to him is when I started to like him. I mean I saw at the bonfire and I thought he was kinda cute, but I just brushed it off. Even after he walked me to my dorm I didn't think I would ever see him again; I was a little bummed....but hey, it was everything that I would expect. Well, that was until the next day when me and the friend I went to the bonfire with, went to a bar, and a friend that we both new was there(let's call him Suites). And somehow in the conversation he mentioned where he worked and I said that I met someone who works there, too. Then I started to describe the guy who walked me home(let's call him Washington), and that is when Suites instantly knew that I liked Washington, but i quickly denied it. Suites knew that I was lying, so the next day he told Washington, and my heart just sank. But, the next day I found out that he didn't know it was me who liked him; so, my brilliant plan was to go through life dodging him like a little ninja that I knew I could've been. But, thanks to Suites that was just a would be, could be dream of mine, because he told Washington who I was. So, Washington told Suites that he liked me too, and wanted to hang out with me. And Suites was gonna get his number for me, and that was the last I heard of it. So, I feel that he changed his mind about me , and it hurts so bad to be rejected....I just feel as if I've been punched in the gut over and over and over again; I'm so embarrassed .